One year ago….
It’s my birthday today (36!) and the 1 year anniversary of launching my website…. which I can’t believe was only a year ago! So much has happened this year that it blows my mind. My entire life has changed this year, many times in many ways. It has been wickedly challenging and amazingly beautiful.
I worked really hard on my business this year… too hard.
The paradox is that I could judge that as being what was wrong in my life but it has also brought me what is right in my life. Many of my online relationships have turned into in person meetings and deep friendships. I am now creating the community and life that I really want with them. The amount of time I spent online last year created a lifestyle that I have come to realize is not supportive of the day to day life that I am now choosing AND I also can not deny the power of social media and having an online platform for making those deep connections.
That being said, I’m not willing to do it anymore. Not like I did. Not in isolation. Not without putting my life, health and community first. I know without a doubt, the less time I spend on my business the more I actually really have to offer (I might just be harder to find 
). This will have to be remedied by more help and more collaboration.
There are so many success principles that are about some level of sacrifice and perseverance. “We entrepreneur’s are willing to spend a few years of our life like most won’t, so that we can spend the rest of our lives like most can’t.” Honestly, I’m not willing to do it like that. Success to me is daily. It is not sacrificing the present for the future. It is living a life connected with what is real and true for you today.
I’m living in an odd universe right now where I am still undergoing deconstruction of my life and what the reconstruction looks like is still unknown. Certainly we always are living in the unknown with the illusion of a plan, and I don’t even have that right now. I suppose if I have a plan, it is a plan to take my brother and my nieces to the airport today where I will say goodbye to them for possibly a year…. I have a plan to go to Ali’s Farm and celebrate my birthday…. I have a plan to go to Burning Man. That’s it.
Reflecting on wins and celebrations this year, I am so grateful. I am grateful that even though it hasn’t always been easy, I see everything that has happened this year as a gift…
- Created Make it Real Make it Raw Detox Blast – A virtual raw food and yoga event with a dear friend Thomas Ratdke. Not only was the event a massive success and total blast… we couldn’t have had more fun doing it (working in partnership and collaboration works REALLY well for me!).
- I also launched the Love Letter to My Body project with the mission of raising awareness toward creating conscious relationships with our amazing temples that give us life. This project I will admit needs lots of promoting (please help – host a Love Letter to My Body party and send in your letters!)
- I worked with an amazing group of women in my Body, Food and Love program during which I had an awakening in my own body.
- I made really hard decisions to end my relationship, sell my land and house… give up the comfort, love, and security I had.
- Went through a very loving break-up in the name of truth so we could each follow our own paths, even though our path together was loving and supportive.
- Discovered intimacy to new depths.
- Speaking my truth, being open, vulnerable, real, raw, compassionate.
- Learning to receive love for who I am… shadows and all.
Intentions for this year…
- Continue to live in truth and follow my heart.
- Begin REconstruction… my life, values, business.
- Make a move based on community and lifestyle.
- Make meals with friends regularly (organic, local, farm fresh whole foods).
- Practice yoga in community regularly (no more isolation!).
- Collaborate and partner in business for fun and exceptional value.
- Work on how I show up for my family (ouch!).
- Community, connection, collaboration, creation, love, passion, intimacy, health, beauty, RADIANCE
Thank you all dearly for sharing this beautiful earth with me, for caring enough to stay tuned in through my massive shifts and for shining your light. The world needs you!
Awakenings – Living the Real and Raw
I don’t even know where to begin.
There are different kinds of awakenings people experience… and just to keep it really simple, an awakening is any time you wake up to something true for you. So we have all had awakenings of some kind at some point. I wanted to demystify this term to begin with (maybe because I’m afraid of freaking you out by using the term ).
I will admit, I have prided myself on being relatable, grounded, practical, non woowoo etc. so that I can easily bridge the spiritual world with our day to day realities. Well, lately, I’m not as good at being the bridge. I’m talking energy, shifts, transformations, awakenings and all kinds of stuff that feels like I’m speaking a foreign language to some people. I don’t like that because I do have resistance to being weird… but what the hell, I can’t deny it any longer. There’s a lot I can’t deny any longer.
If I could have brought myself to write, I feel like the last two months could be a book not a blog post… so we’ll see where this goes… I just knew I had to start writing again.
My last blog post was Real and Raw… all the beginnings were bubbling to the surface, yet at that moment, I had no idea what was to come and how fast it would all unfold. That is what happens when truth is recognized and honored. Warp speed.
So let me back up… what the in the *@$& has gone on in the last two months?
I was coaching with some amazing women in my Body, Food and Love program (and to be totally honest, I think I got more out of the program than the ladies in it… you teach what you need to learn right?? So DO YOUR HOMEWORK!!). So 1/2 way through the program I had an awakening… in my body. Unleashed was a deeper connection to my physical body through “source energy/ sexual energy/ creative life force energy” (see, I told you I’m spilling the beans on my alternate language). One of the realizations that I had from this body awakening was how I had shut sexy in the closet over 10 years ago.
There is way more to this story – for another time… but to keep it brief, I stepped out on a limb by teaching an impromptu workshop I called “Bringing Sexy Back” at Eden Unplugged (an unbusiness retreat for evolutionary entrepreneurs). Teaching that taught me 1.) The power of goddess sisterhood 2.) My work needs to have more in person connection. 3.) Every time I evolve, what I teach gets so much juicier.
After returning home, my last blog post (nearly 2 months ago) described how I was questioning if I had my entire life set up was in alignment with what I realized to be true for me.
Matt and I began the conversations.
We decided to sell our beautiful house and our magical land. We decided to walk our own paths, dedicated to what we each are most drawn to and how we each want to express ourselves in the world… separately.
I wasn’t walking away from a life I was unhappy with. I actually had given gratitude every single day for Matt (who is an AMAZING person, my teacher, lover, my solid ground) my house, my land, my life… deep, deep gratitude. What I was doing was giving up all that I loved most in my life. (Do you think I’m crazy yet, because I do ). And what I know was there was truth and clarity in the decision. Yes, I was happy, comfortable, grateful… AND I had ways in which I was not being expressed. Ways that I now can not turn away from.
Community, connection, spirituality, intimacy, feeling the rainbow spectrum of human emotions. I realized I had shut down a lot of feeling in my life for fear of returning to depression. I had maintained a way of being that was… comfortable.
I packed up the car to head to Colorado for the summer. On my way, I went to Espanola, NM to go to the Kundalini Yoga gathering for summer solstice. I had been four times previous and hadn’t been in four years… I arrived feeling really, really raw, crying my way into New Mexico, releasing my losses and feeling the fear of being fully with myself again (and connected to source).
Landing on the sacred grounds was home coming for me. There is much more of a story to tell here too… but in short, I continually got affirmation that my decision was right. I experienced all that I was leaving my life as I knew it for… deep intimacy, community, connection, love, common paths, divinity.
Now, this isn’t a fairy tale… what I have been facing (and still am) is excruciating discomfort, fears, my shadows, and standing in the fire. And what I know to be true… love, compassion, a free and truly open heart are the result of being willing to face and then love all that we deem as “unlovable” in each of us.
New realities are emerging for me. I will take you with me if you are ready for the journey
Real and Raw…
Sometimes life bubbles up questions that stir the pot in unexpected ways. I knew going to Eden Unplugged was going to be an amazing experience of connecting with a like-minded community and was open to more. What I got was… indescribable agitation that shook me up in good ways and challenging ways AND the most amazing authentic relationships that speak to the CORE that we are in this life TOGETHER.
What shook me up? How I have my life structured right now, my business, my relationships…. is that enough or do you want more?
So, right now… I live on 45 acres in a great little house with my partner. It is 10 miles from town on a windy road meaning 20 minutes drive. My business… working from home, connecting online and over the phone. I travel a lot which gives me bursts of outside connectivity. But generally, my life is set up very isolated.
Now the question is how do I set up my life, business and relationships so that they reflect what I want? What do I need to give up in order to have a life that has community, connection and truth at its core? What do I need to structure and create to support that? Are my partner and I aligned? Do I need to move? Do I need to create something collective on our property? Do I need to do more of my business in person?
Restructuring life can be painful because with each new thing there is something you have to give up. It takes staying in truth to make decisions to change. And support. I am grateful to have coaches, friends and a new community to navigate new territories with!
How about you? Is your life resonating with the core of who you are? Are you at peace in you body? Do you honor your health? Are you happy with the food you eat, the way you look and the people in your life? Do you have the support you need? Can I help you? Contact me for a complimentary stepping powerfully into the life and health you really want strategy call with me!
I stand in truth.
I stand in integrity.
I stand in connection.
I stand in community.
I stand in love.
I stand in witnessing the breakdowns and the build ups.
The Detox Blast!
WOW! I have so much to write about but I am taking a week off while having an AMAZING time with our Make it Real Make it Raw Detox Blast community (over 500 peeps)! The feedback has been incredible – come see the group on facebook!
To sign up click on the header below! I’m filled with gratitude for this amazing group experience!
Has a Hug Ever Changed Your Whole Experience of Something?
Last weekend I attended the Raw Spirit Festival in Prescott, AZ. I went there by myself and was really excited to be with people celebrating health. Radiance is my number one passion and it is rare to be with a huge number of people with the same passion. So a weekend of raw food, yoga, and my tribe… what could be better? Well, even though I’m a Leo and have leadership, playfulness, and yes- can even take center stage… I’m also naturally quite introverted and can be shy. So when I show up to events by myself I have to take a deep breath and dive in (or sometimes retreat and give myself space 
).
I was determined to be involved here, knowing these are people I share so much with. I connected with many people and had some serendipitous encounters as well. It was good… but just good. I knew I was in a bit of a bubble. Holding back and showing up at the same time. Resistance was coming up to fully engaging from the heart. At night there was music… really, really great music (Shakti Tribe and Jaya Lakshmi) and a chance to really get into the body and dance. I was having fun but there was still a separateness inside of me. Some one bumped me from behind and I turned to a 6′ 7″ guy and he opened his arms. It was a hug that opened my heart. Something that can only be felt, a deepening of connection with no stories, just being and recognizing of the beauty within all of us. Whew. Really, I was blown open and then I really had fun… resonating so deeply with the music which was so full of the heart I had just experienced, the one which we truly are. Feeling the rhythm and being so grateful for musicians, artists, and creatives that can reach us in places that are so powerful and moving if we are open enough to notice. And grateful for my stranger friend who opened his arms and reminded me of feeling 100% home and in my body and heart.
The next morning, still feeling open and present, I went to r.r. Shakti’s beautiful yoga class. In it she asked, “what is it to be raw?”. I knew my answer immediately. To be Real. I had just named a detox program that my business partner (Thomas Radtke) and I have coming up Make it Real, Make it Raw… so her question really resonated with me. To be raw, to be real… open, alive, radiant, honest, vulnerable, whole, fresh, juicy. Then she asked, “what keeps us from being raw?”. I said temptation. To processed food, to our thoughts our minds. Shakti expounded on our over processed thinking and it’s so true. That’s all that had kept me from just being, previous to my open hearted hugger, Eric (which I told him he would knock Amma Ji out with his hugs ).
What is it to be Real? To be Raw? How do you keep yourself from showing up fully?
What can you do to challenge yourself to engage more fully, be more present, remember your truth… your love?
With all my love, my gratitude. And a shout out to the huggers, the lovers, dreamers, yogis, musicians, artists, and people who dare to be raw and real… even if you do intimidate me sometimes with your freedom and truth… and at other times I am you.
Friends are Amazing!
I went out to dinner with a dear friend of mine last night… actually we’ve been friends since we were 2! We were talking about relationships (as women love to do) and just marveling at how important girlfriends are. We are both in great relationships so that’s not an issue and yet there is something we get from spending time with close girlfriends that just can’t be replaced.
Friendship and community have come up a lot for me in the past year. My life has been very transient for a long time between living in Aspen, CO and working seasonally thus traveling for months out of the year – then buying property and building a house in Virginia with my partner two years ago while going to nutrition school in NYC – seeing clients in various parts of the country – traveling and studying yoga out of the country for months at a time – now living between Aspen and Blacksburg, VA! I think I had about 3 months at “home” this year. I have friends all over the world that I cherish… but have I made time for them? What about community when you’re all over the place?
Then it hits me when I’m sitting with someone I love… how amazing it is to have these special connections and it fills me with gratitude… this is what I truly want in life!
Now on a side note, I must say… the quality of the people in your life is key. How does it feel to be around the people in your life? Don’t be afraid to let go of relationships that don’t feel right. Now, there’s something to look at with that as well, though. It’s something you have to be super honest with yourself about or ask some one you trust. If you find that you end up in conflict and drama with most people in your life… I say gently, “you might have to take a deeper look at yourself and what you are putting out…” that’s a whole other topic but I wanted to put it out there for when you’re looking to create the most healthy, vibrant community for yourself.
Why it is critical for your health and happiness to make lots of time for your quality friends and build the RIGHT relationships…
- Gets you out of your head
- You are free to be who you are
- They will love you when you forget to love yourself
- It reminds you of who you really are
- It’s fun
- You get to play
- You get to share
- You get to be known
- Reminds you of what is important in life
- They’ll remember stories about you that you don’t
It’s important to think about the kinds of people you want in your life… as I’ve heard so many times now, “you become the 5 people you spend your most time with”. Who’s rubbing off on you? Who do you want to be? Do you have the connections in your life you crave? Do you make time for the connections you cherish?
I am so thrilled to have reconnected with some old friends this year (I give my shout out – you know who you are!) and began to make some new friends too. My intentions towards friendship and community this year are to grow the friendships I have, connect with new people in my local community, play with others that share my passions, serve the clients that can hear and use my message to live radiantly and partner with other online entrepreneurs to collaborate and share this unique experience we have. Have you connected with me yet? I look forward to it! (You can Join me on Facebook – say I sent ya )
Why is it important for you to make time for your friends? Please add your comments below!
Join Me!