Badass Spirituality
I’ve written 100 blog posts in my head over the last two months and none of them have made it here (I haven’t even written about Burning Man!). So there is a lot coming but for now… pieces of them all will tie together here.
Four months ago I made the choice to completely deconstruct my life. It was a roller-coaster. I found myself drawn to explore both the highs of spiritual connection and the highs (and lows) of addictive destruction. I was drawn to doing intense work with the shadows (parts of ourselves and others we judge to be unacceptable and/or repress and deny that we have possess those qualities). In doing so, judgments fall away and in their place love and compassion arise, which sounds all yummy and juicy…
But what’s better than that? Loving my badass self. Seriously. I’m not a saint or spiritually evolved beyond my shadow. I love the truth, but I don’t always tell the truth. I’m naturally compassionate but I can be intolerant, I can serve but I’m far from selfless, I’m passionate about health but don’t always take care of myself. I’m at home in sacred space and I like to let go, dance to house music and play.
I recently met someone who I could consider to be my shadow (or badass) embodied. Unapologetically. He had no filter on what came out of his mouth which could mostly be considered completely inappropriate; sexually, politically, spiritually, environmentally and otherwise. I met this person with no judgment (in fact with curiosity)…. which to me, is freedom. Freedom to play with the paradox and truth of oneness that we all are. Inclusive of the opposite of what you think is you… because is that true? What are you denying as you?
Spiritual conscious types tend to be really hard on themselves about their badass selves. This summer a friend of mine said, “I only want to be seen as loving and kind”. To which I say, fuck that. We are more than that as human beings and there is a price tag to denying that. For this particular friend, the price tag was substance abuse.
Owning our shadows is powerful. Everyone we meet can be a gift. Every experience. Every choice we make. We are constantly looking in the mirror of our universe. How we see that reflection is our choice. Do you judge your badass self… or do you choose freedom?
Freedom to be all that we are, unapologetically. But true freedom also means accepting the other as they are.
No judgment = freedom.
Be grateful for what you manifest.
Don’t take yourself too seriously. Life is but a dream, sweetheart. Live. Play. Love.
Love your badass self.
Awakenings – Living the Real and Raw
I don’t even know where to begin.
There are different kinds of awakenings people experience… and just to keep it really simple, an awakening is any time you wake up to something true for you. So we have all had awakenings of some kind at some point. I wanted to demystify this term to begin with (maybe because I’m afraid of freaking you out by using the term 
).
I will admit, I have prided myself on being relatable, grounded, practical, non woowoo etc. so that I can easily bridge the spiritual world with our day to day realities. Well, lately, I’m not as good at being the bridge. I’m talking energy, shifts, transformations, awakenings and all kinds of stuff that feels like I’m speaking a foreign language to some people. I don’t like that because I do have resistance to being weird… but what the hell, I can’t deny it any longer. There’s a lot I can’t deny any longer.
If I could have brought myself to write, I feel like the last two months could be a book not a blog post… so we’ll see where this goes… I just knew I had to start writing again.
My last blog post was Real and Raw… all the beginnings were bubbling to the surface, yet at that moment, I had no idea what was to come and how fast it would all unfold. That is what happens when truth is recognized and honored. Warp speed.
So let me back up… what the in the *@$& has gone on in the last two months?
I was coaching with some amazing women in my Body, Food and Love program (and to be totally honest, I think I got more out of the program than the ladies in it… you teach what you need to learn right?? So DO YOUR HOMEWORK!!). So 1/2 way through the program I had an awakening… in my body. Unleashed was a deeper connection to my physical body through “source energy/ sexual energy/ creative life force energy” (see, I told you I’m spilling the beans on my alternate language). One of the realizations that I had from this body awakening was how I had shut sexy in the closet over 10 years ago.
There is way more to this story – for another time… but to keep it brief, I stepped out on a limb by teaching an impromptu workshop I called “Bringing Sexy Back” at Eden Unplugged (an unbusiness retreat for evolutionary entrepreneurs). Teaching that taught me 1.) The power of goddess sisterhood 2.) My work needs to have more in person connection. 3.) Every time I evolve, what I teach gets so much juicier.
After returning home, my last blog post (nearly 2 months ago) described how I was questioning if I had my entire life set up was in alignment with what I realized to be true for me.
Matt and I began the conversations.
We decided to sell our beautiful house and our magical land. We decided to walk our own paths, dedicated to what we each are most drawn to and how we each want to express ourselves in the world… separately.
I wasn’t walking away from a life I was unhappy with. I actually had given gratitude every single day for Matt (who is an AMAZING person, my teacher, lover, my solid ground) my house, my land, my life… deep, deep gratitude. What I was doing was giving up all that I loved most in my life. (Do you think I’m crazy yet, because I do 
). And what I know was there was truth and clarity in the decision. Yes, I was happy, comfortable, grateful… AND I had ways in which I was not being expressed. Ways that I now can not turn away from.
Community, connection, spirituality, intimacy, feeling the rainbow spectrum of human emotions. I realized I had shut down a lot of feeling in my life for fear of returning to depression. I had maintained a way of being that was… comfortable.
I packed up the car to head to Colorado for the summer. On my way, I went to Espanola, NM to go to the Kundalini Yoga gathering for summer solstice. I had been four times previous and hadn’t been in four years… I arrived feeling really, really raw, crying my way into New Mexico, releasing my losses and feeling the fear of being fully with myself again (and connected to source).
Landing on the sacred grounds was home coming for me. There is much more of a story to tell here too… but in short, I continually got affirmation that my decision was right. I experienced all that I was leaving my life as I knew it for… deep intimacy, community, connection, love, common paths, divinity.
Now, this isn’t a fairy tale… what I have been facing (and still am) is excruciating discomfort, fears, my shadows, and standing in the fire. And what I know to be true… love, compassion, a free and truly open heart are the result of being willing to face and then love all that we deem as “unlovable” in each of us.
New realities are emerging for me. I will take you with me if you are ready for the journey
No More Self – Sabotage Please!
I see a trap for conscious, aware people that I want to blow the whistle on. The notion of “self-sabotage” has come up a few times recently in my Body, Food and Love program. I see it all the time with those of us looking to grow. There is a tendency to look for what is wrong with us and why.
“Self-sabotage” evokes a dark, mysterious, unknown place that is undefinable and therefore it is a force to be reckoned with. We have to create a story around it to understand it and even then it feels hopeless. We are then laden with guilt for “sabotaging” ourselves and suffering because of the story that we created in order to understand why we are doing it to ourselves.
Ick.
Let’s let go of the whole concept of self-sabotage, okay? This is what I call putting pain and suffering on top of pain and suffering.
Instead come to peace with RESISTANCE. Resistance is a reality. Feelings of resistance are a natural, normal part of life and growing. It is the cycle of expansion and contraction. Our egos don’t like change and put up resistance. This is universal and not personal. Doesn’t that feel better than the deeply personal and judgmental weight that self-sabotage carries?
We all have resistance, although I believe different people have different “set points” to experiencing it. I happen to live with someone who has very little resistance and I happen to have much higher levels of resistance. We can shift our levels of resistance through awareness and practice of creating different mindsets around it.
Say you wake up in the morning and resist getting out of bed, you do it anyway but there is resistance coming in the form of negative thinking (I’m tired, getting up sucks, why do I have to….). Sometimes with the awareness of your negativity, you can just decide to turn positive, grateful, connected… and other times the resistance to changing how you feel comes up, it’s easier to remain grumpy and complain. So how about going into neutral? Staying negative doesn’t serve and just creates a habit of allowing it (on occasion go for it, here are some tips). Sometimes making the leap into the positive feels like too much of a stretch… but neutral is always available to just experience what is. It softens the internal chatter.
Now let’s look at the same situation with the label of self-sabotage. You wake up and don’t want to get out of bed. You have the thought “why do I always sabotage my efforts to live a healthy productive life? I must think I don’t deserve it on some level. It must be because no one in my family ever made it though college. I don’t want to be successful and out shine my family.”
See how much more complicated it just made your life to believe you are sabotaging yourself. Now in addition to feeling tired and resisting getting up you now feel weighted down by the story of your past and how it will effect your future… to which I might ask, “is it true?”.
Breath into the resistance that comes, see it as a wake up call to get present and move through what is coming up in the moment. There are stories that come up in the moment, you don’t have to go looking for them in your past. It is here and now and in what is happening. All we ever need to confront is what is happening right now.
Confession
I have to admit sometimes I wonder what I am doing having an internet based business. It’s hard to do a “launch” and continue putting myself out there so the people I can help can find me. I confessed to my new assistant, Stacey that it would be easy for me to drop the ball on marketing completely (which really is the reason I hired her). I know that I need help to continue moving forward when I get stuck. I know that having systems in place to support you is the only way to really make sure things are being done without the chaos and overwhelm (that goes for systems for your health and wellness too)!
Marketing isn’t easy for me (in fact it makes me want to vomit sometimes, sorry to be graphic) and the thing that moves me forward is that without it, I can’t help more people.
Touching lives keeps me going.
I wanted to do my business online so I could help more people and not just more people, the right people. It’s easier to find your tribe online in many ways. I’ve connected with countless amazing people through facebook and twitter. The rewards are deep but don’t come without coming up against walls.
It’s an evolution and a path we are all on. Each of us sharing our gifts even through the challenges we have. I said to my mastermind at our last meeting “As leaders our struggles are what make us human and it is what we have overcome that make us an inspiration” (my first famous quote, or at least that I can remember .
Thank you for being a part of my community through all of the evolution – yours and mine!
Besides my confession, I also made a big mistake in the s.p..a.m department in an email I sent out the other day which means a HUGE percentage of my list didn’t get the email because it bounced all because I used the word f…r. e* e without periods and * , yes that is why every time you see that word it is dressed up funny. S. p a..m filters just chuck the email back at ya. Boomerang baby.
So here’s the deal. Because it was the email that had the recording of my encore call as well as had announced my bring a friend for F. R…*E. *E offer… and because baby, I want to serve as many people as possible RIGHT now… I’m bringing back the offer this weekend.
There are no good excuses. Grab a buddy, buckle up and take a really fun – powerful – and transformative ride with me through wonderland to create a relationship with your body that you love, feel freedom from your struggle with food and create vibrant health with ease. I promise not to bite, not you anyway. www.bodyfoodandlove.com
Creating Deep and Lasting Change
Ok, change sucks sometimes right? It feels hard to get where we want to be and sometimes even impossible because our old patterns seem to control us. Skepticism comes in to tell us that it’s not really ever going to work… and optimism can come to say ok, this time I’m doing it right only to feel the disappointment of failure again. If you’ve failed many times on the promises you’ve made to yourself, I’m here to say… congratulations! “One fails forward toward success.” ~Charles F. Kettering
The saddest thing to me is when someone stops trying. That is the only way to truly fail. If there’s that part of you that finds the inspiration to make the New Year Resolution or what ever it is, to create what you really want… to continue the inspiration and belief in yourself is a beautiful thing.
I was in a relationship with an unhealthy dynamic where every time I decided I wanted to make a change I would express my intentions then fell off the wagon and would get criticism that I was “all talk and no action”. Hmmm well, what am I supposed to do… not believe in myself at all?
Well I’m here to say after years of struggling to change… there are still changes I’d like to make that I haven’t AND there are A LOT that I have (including losing nearly 40 pounds). I’m getting better and better at knowing how I work and what I have to do in order to make changes. I’ve gotten a lot of support through the years and have realized that we are meant to be interconnected and not independent warriors on the quest to perfection all on our own. We can learn our strengths and weaknesses and then learn how to work with them and get support where we need it. In my own life, I have realized trying to be good at everything and do everything myself is a waste of my time.
Creating deep and lasting change comes down to this…
- Getting Clear on what you REALLY want.
- Knowing what actions you need to take to get what you want.
- Associating joy and love with those actions. In other words you have to align your mindsets and feelings (how you do something) with the practical actions (what you do).
- Take action (what you do) inspired by love (how you do it).
- Always make your life an exploratory, sensational, inquisitive journey and be present for the ride.
- Surrounding yourself around people who believe in you and support you.
My GIFT for you today is a tool I created for myself that is in my Body, Food and Love program. It is what I call my Daily Divinity (Click Here to download pdf) and it is my “scheduling” tool of sorts. Since organization and schedules are not my talents… I had to dig deeper into my creative and transformational wisdom to design a system that worked for me. It is based on the foundation above which comes down to “what you do and how you do it” which is where success comes from.
Body, Food and Love which is structured in these foundational principles starts THIS MONDAY! Don’t wait, create inspired action now and get support from me all along the path to success. Join Body, Food and Love today!
Admitting When you need some help
I dropped the ball in my business last week. Not intentionally, it was circumstantially. But the truth is, if I had help, it wouldn’t have happened.
I went out of town the day after a tele-seminar that I had done, promising the recording to those who had signed up. Little did I know, once I left my house I wouldn’t have internet until I returned.
When I got to the hotel I tried for two days (during the limited time that I had) to get the internet to work for me and it kept either dropping me or spinning for so long that nothing was happening.
So after two days I decided to drop it and wait till I got home but not with out learning the very in my face lesson. I needed an assistant.
I want someone that can help keep my business moving forward even when glitches like that happen. My business deserves to be taken care of. I’ve been saying this for a long time and flirting with the idea and just not taking action on it.
Then the big aha appeared and that became my big call to action for you.
Have you been saying you need to take better care of yourself and think “I know how to do it, I’m just not.”? I have news for you. It’s time to take action.
If not now, when? Admitting that you need support and getting it. Now. There really is no good reason or excuse to wait on it.
Thinking you can do it yourself, while certainly is possible.. the truth is we can all use help and it will happen faster with more ease and fun when you get the support you need. I promise.
So, as sorry as I am that I dropped the ball… the lesson was worth it. And I’m now calling you out. Take action NOW and join me to create the Body, Food and Love that you want in your life.
I am committed to getting the help my business and I deserve… Are you committed to getting the help that your body and life deserves?
P.S. Join me on Tuesday April 12th for a F.R..EE call! The Two Essentials For Creating a Body That You Love CLICK HERE to sign up!
Do You Need a Big Fat OVERRIDE Button?
Here, I have one for you 
It happens to all of us. A loud “I don’t feel like it!”, well then what? Sometimes it’s okay to retreat, indulge, take a break and sometimes you need a BIG FAT OVERRIDE BUTTON (Yep, so I made you one… two actually, I got a little carried away).
So when do we need the override button?
Decide on 80/20 rule. That means that 80% of the time you are taking care of yourself, your life, your business in a way that meets your big picture and 20% of the time you indulge, relax your standards and sin! If your rocking it – up it to 90/10!
This doesn’t necessarily mean the override button is being pushed 80-90% of the time because I would guess there is a large percentage of the time that you are feeling great about living up to your big picture, eating healthy etc. (if not maybe it’s time to re-evaluate your big picture or have some coaching to find out how you can be feeling great about your choices). So it’s really asking the question in the moment what percentage you are operating at and making the choice from that whether it is time for the override button or time to sin!
Here’s what I mean by all of this…
Have you noticed, when you start “behaving badly” it’s easy to slip into worse and worse and the next thing you know you’ve totally slipped into habits that aren’t supporting your big picture (whether it’s being healthy, losing weight, getting life and work balanced).
On the other hand when you are totally rigid with yourself and your goals you can burn yourself out, be too hard on yourself and lose the focus on enjoyment.
Be honest with yourself – it’s easier to look at one day at a time. What did I eat, did I get movement in, did I stay focused on what I needed to with work, did I take time for myself? Whatever the big picture is that drives you and see what are your percentages. Do you need to give yourself a break or do you need the big fat override button to get out of your own way and into your dreams?
PS – Do you need help with what your “big picture” is? Check out my post on What are your Deepest Desires and there is a FREE download of a worksheet to help you out! If you need more help let me know - I’m taking a few private clients right now.
PSS – I wasn’t kidding I made these OVERRIDE buttons for you (okay, well for me too)… feel free to snag off the site or if you want a bigger version to print out and have handy for those times of internal war, let me know and I’ll send ya one!
What Happens When You Hate Yourself?
I was irritated… not all day but once I was, it felt like it had been all day. Then, I watched a video of a colleague of mine who was talking about her total transformation and how amazing her life is today.
I noticed a bitter, “well, I’ve had these amazing transformations, realizations, and life shifts and here I am grouchy, irritated and now I’m judging and comparing myself on top of it. Way to go, don’t you know better than THIS by now? How competent are you if you’re not perfect, living the perfect life to help others?”
Bitter, bitter, blah, blah, blah. It was time for yoga. I didn’t want to go. I forced myself anyway thinking, I’ll feel better if I do.
Then, I was there doing yoga and hating it. I thought hmmm, I thought I was going to feel better but maybe not, maybe I’ll just hate myself fully right now. Get down and dirty and hate. So I hated the room, the people, myself, my practice, my thoughts, yep lets just do it and do it well.
Of course, what happens when you stop fighting the feelings, fully allow them and exaggerate them? It becomes ridiculous. And fun actually. I allowed this play of all of my negative thoughts and feelings to come out in my head. Instead of struggling to feel better. Instead of hiding or ignoring… come out and play.
People may say, “well you don’t want to do that you are attracting what you think about”. Here’s the deal. To go deeper into the thoughts and feelings can be very revealing. To exaggerate them allows you to feel what is present for you in the moment and opens you up to the possibility of truth and how you really feel which, deep down hatred and negativity aren’t feelings of truth.
They are feelings of fear and resistance. Fear you won’t be enough and resistance to your greatness. The truth is, you are enough and you are great.
Now this was in radical contrast to an experience I had a few weeks about in yoga. I walked in, sat down and presence filled me up. An awareness of the whole inside and out side of my body. It was effortless to be 100% present and in love with my body and my movements for the entire class.
There was intention and it was easy. I thought, “why don’t we do this all the time, everyone should experience this, it is amazing”.
Embodied beauty, presence, light, connection, truth. Wow.
Well, had I just written about that experience at that time, as amazing and truthful as that was, I’m glad I hadn’t gotten around to it. Because here, now, I can present the opposite ends of the spectrum, a class where I filled myself with love and one with hate. They both, oddly enough, brought me to truth.
Note on the hate thing: Give yourself a time limit . Allow all icky, sticky, messy, junkie, pukey thoughts and feelings to come out to their fullest and beyond (all in your head, don’t go around creating mass destruction). Permission to feel more and more until your head starts saying, now wait a minute this is totally not even true. The key is for you to tell yourself how long you are allowed to be there (15 minutes, a yoga class, a shower, an hour) and hopefully your thoughts have naturally shifted and there is no need for the limit. BUT if you’re still grouchy and pissy, it’s time to bring in the compassion comrades, inspiration invaders and wisdom wizards as there is nothing productive about stewing in your meanness indefinitely. Who and/or what are your compassion comrades, inspiration invaders, and wisdom wizards? You better know BEFORE you need them! Love to you. You are enough. You are great. Just as you are.
By the way, just a reminder in case you’re feeling down about having bad thoughts… you aren’t your thoughts anyway 
The Legacy of a Radiant Heart
My Dad with his Grandbabies (Ooops I meant big girls!)
I have a personal story to share with you today. My brother and his family which include my 2 and 4 year old nieces are moving out of the country this week. While this is very exciting for them to go live on a tropical island and enjoy a very different lifestyle than they are used to, it has been very hard and sad for myself and for my parents especially. They have been a significant part of the girls lives on a daily basis since they where born.
When I was home over Christmas my mom, dad and I went on a walk and talked about how they are dealing with the transition. My dad, who has been the absolute most amazing grandpa, playful, patient, teaching them everything from skiing to riding their bikes, was in protection mode. His heart broken from the thought of not being in their daily lives.
I told him that his open heart is his legacy. To remain open even when it’s painful is to put the vibration out that those little girls will feel and remember no matter the distance. The reason I say this with certainly is because that was what I experienced with my Grandpa Fred.
He was from South Africa and said my name with a particular accent I will never forget. He was the kind of man whose smile lit up a room… we all have encountered someone like that. Someone who has an open heart, positive attitude, and a kindness for everyone they encounter. Someone with a radiant heart.
The impact my Grandpa had on me was so strong that I choke up every time I tell the story of seeing his blue eyes for the last time. I was 13 years old and he was in the hospital after a stroke. He wasn’t doing well and yet I sat by his bed side and he looked at me and the twinkle still shone through. Amazing really.
This was a quote given to me by my grandpa which really was what he lived by,
“A smile costs nothing, but gives much. It enriches those who receive it, without making poorer those who give. It takes but a moment, but the memory of it sometimes lasts forever. None is so rich or mighty that he can get along without it, and none is to poor but that he can be made rich by it. A smile creates happiness in the home, fosters good will in business, and is the countersign of friendship. It brings rest to the weary, cheer to the discouraged, sunshine to the sad, and it is nature’s best antidote for trouble. Yet, it cannot be bought, begged, borrowed, or stolen, for it is something that is of no value to anyone until it is given away. Some people are too tired to give you a smile. Give them one of yours, as none needs a smile as much as he who has no more to give.” -Anonymous Author
My parents are wonderful people, awesome parents, and spectacular grandparents. Grandparents are golden and to shine your light on those little ones will mean way more than you will ever know.
Sending my love to my parents, the biggest hugs ever to my nieces, and the most awesome life change for Ryan and Bridgette.
Happy People Aren’t Mean
Isn’t that true? When you feel truly good are you putting people down? I’m not faulting unhappy people, actually the opposite.
Have compassion. This truth, that happy people aren’t mean is liberating because you realize their behavior is not a personal act against you. Then you can recognize that compassion is actually a healthy response toward someone who is “being mean”.
Gulp. Compassion to someone being mean to me?? Do you feel the resistance? The righteousness of your justified conviction that they are wrong and mean and therefore you have a right to be mad or mean back. Or maybe just hurt and victimized. Either way, you’re reacting.
Whew, I’m really handing it out to you aren’t I? Self responsibility 101, stand up, take ownership of how you feel… no one can make you feel anything.
I remember when I first heard that in a psychology class in college. We argued with the teacher endlessly about how other people COULD hurt us.
A couple years later, through The Work of Byron Katie... I finally got it. We are 100% responsible for our own reactions. The world does what it does and we always have a choice on how we meet it.
Where did this post come from anyway? At my local yoga studio after class the other day, I had a fabulous talk with two lovely ladies and was being enlightened to the ways of the mean world out there (I live in my own little world of generally very nice people). We live in a University town and these women were talking about some pretty shocking behaviors of some of the students.
Closing my mouth after noticing my jaw had dropped, I collected myself and said “happy people aren’t mean, so just know they are suffering and have compassion”.
As I said, I live in a bubble of sorts, which I have no problem with. People can criticize this and I know that the truth really is that we do create our realities. So people can say (and they have many times, after all I grew up in Aspen, CO) “you don’t live in the real world”.
The real world to me is real people. Truth, compassion, awareness, love through all of our ups and downs. This is the reality I live in and in my opinion it is far better than living in the world consumed with hate, fear and unconscious behaviors which so many people refer to as the real world.
Instead, creating your world and being a happy person requires compassion. As soon as you’re reacting with anger, hurt, or otherwise, you have become an unhappy person too. First there was one and now there are two unhappy people.
When you respond with your compassion, you are creating one happy and possibly that will ripple effect into the two… and three and more.
Join Me!